On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
