my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
