I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
