he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
