today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
