buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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