They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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