I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
