Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
