btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
