mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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