I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
