ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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