Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
