I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We need to rekindle our bromance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
