I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
