i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
