She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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