I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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