And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
