He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
