Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
