Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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