coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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