I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
