Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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