Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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