At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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