And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
