Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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