I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
