Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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