Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love you. Go after that dick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
