am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
