Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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