if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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