hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
