i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
