Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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