college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she peed on how many people?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
