If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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