I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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