i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
