please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is wine microwaveable?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
