I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
where are my eyebrows?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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