I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why didn't you poke me back
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
