she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
