I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
