I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
