My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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