She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
